These are dicey times. It’s easy to feel down, shut out the noise, or retreat. It’s just as easy to slip into reactionary mode when life doesn’t go the way we hoped. We’ve all been there.

But here’s the key: when we proactively manage our emotions—no matter what’s happening in the world or in our own lives—we stay in the driver’s seat, rather than watching helplessly from the backseat of a road we never intended to travel.

So here’s the million-dollar question:
Are you living at the cause of your life, or at the effect of it?

It’s a question worth asking often, especially when challenges arise. If we don’t pause and redirect, our emotions can drain the energy we need to create what we truly want. And the truth is: what we want for ourselves and what we want for the world are deeply intertwined.

Living at the cause of life means focusing not on the circumstances, but on creating what we want. It’s about choosing where to place our attention and energy. That shift—from frustration, overwhelm, or fear to courage, compassion, care, or appreciation—opens the door to growth. And with growth, we create something better, for ourselves and for the collective.

Remember: it’s not the events themselves that shape our outcomes—it’s how we respond.

E + R = O
Event + Response = Outcome. In other words, the ‘R’—our response—is the most important part of the equation.

Living at the effect of circumstances—challenges, setbacks, or unexpected events—means becoming a victim of them. We react with despair, worry, frustration, anxiety, or anger. Victimhood fuels negativity, keeps us stuck, and can lead to complaining, blaming, or making excuses for choices that brought us here. Not everything is within our control—but our response always is. How will you choose to respond?

As A Course in Miracles reminds us: “Look at the crucifixion, but do not dwell on it.”

Here are steps to help you move from being at the effect to living at the cause—responding to life in a way that elevates you to higher ground, brings clarity and focus, better relationships, improved health, a fulfilling career, calm, and ease. The more you practice, the easier it becomes. Our brains wire according to our emotions, responses, and efforts.

Step 1: Cut yourself some slack.
We all have moments when we don’t rise to meet the occasion, dwelling on negative events longer than we should. First, lighten up on yourself. This creates space to see things differently.

Remember: you are here for a reason. Owning—and embracing—your flaws and weaknesses provides some of life’s best lessons and opportunities. Your body, mind, and spirit are designed to move toward higher ground. Knowing where you are, flaws included, is the first step toward your next best actions.

Step 2: Reduce stress and depleting emotions quickly.
When we react with anger, worry, overwhelm, or frustration, we drain the energy needed for positive outcomes. One simple, widely used technique can restore calm in just 1–2 minutes:

Quick Coherence® Technique

1. Focus your attention on the area of your heart. Imagine your breath flowing in and out of your heart or chest area, slower and deeper than usual.
   Suggestion: Inhale 5 seconds, exhale 5 seconds (or a rhythm that feels comfortable).

2. Generate a renewing feeling, such as appreciation or care for someone or something in your life.
   Suggestion: Recall a loved one, a pet, a special place, an accomplishment, or simply a feeling of calm or ease.

Summary:

• Heart-focused breathing

• Activate a positive or renewing feeling

Using this technique throughout your day proactively restores energy, helps you get unstuck, brings clarity and ease, and enables creative problem-solving. Unless in true danger, stress-induced fight, flight, or freeze reactions block the insights we need to move forward.

Step 3: Pause for self-reflection.
Once stress is reduced, ask yourself:

• Why is this challenge appearing in my life?

• What am I meant to learn here?

• What attitude or action can I take that moves me forward?

Every challenge is an opportunity for growth. As the brain follows emotional shifts, these reflections become more natural.

Step 4: Take action.
In a de-stressed state, use your insights from Step 3 to take the next best step. Unsure what to do? Return to Step 2 and practice the Quick Coherence® technique for 3–5 minutes. Ask yourself:

• What am I meant to learn?

• Which core value is calling for attention?

• What attitude or action will advance me in my relationships, career, or health?

Getting comfortable with discomfort is key. Over time, it becomes your default, allowing challenges to be approached with clarity and positivity.

As Rumi said, “Your heart knows the way. Run in that direction.”

By shifting toward renewing (heart-based) feelings—care, compassion, appreciation—rather than depleting (fear-based) ones—worry, anger, anxiety, frustration—you align with your heart’s guidance. Our hearts never react; they guide.

The world dims only when we do. Moving from fear, lack, and doubt back into the driver’s seat transforms us from victims to creators. Our lives reflect our full, powerful and loving selves—and when we shine, the world shines brighter too.

Photo by Delano Ramdas on Unsplash