As you might have noticed, I like to provide tools to make change, growth, and transformation simpler and easier to sustain.

So often, we find ourselves stuck—stuck with our current health status, within a relationship, job, or situation—because we are simply wishing, blaming, excusing, or denying rather than putting our precious time and energy into what will create the change we want to see in our lives. And all that, more often than not, comes from an internal state of self-doubt, lack, and fear. 

That's okay. We've all been there, may currently be there, and there's a tool! So you, and all of us, are in great company, and there's a way out. 

Tools, like a hammer, make things possible and a lot less painful. You might just be missing a hammer!

We often need a tool to see the situation, a person, a challenge, or a goal in a new way—or at least to be curious about it rather than closed-minded, resigned, or in denial, then stressed, anxious, angry, or depressed because nothing is changing. We get down on ourselves and life, pulling us further away from our goal.

A lack of curiosity and a growth mindset creates a life-sucking state, and that is why I like tools so that we don't hang out there for long. There's a better and easier way forward. 

First, here are a couple of quick stories:

After an hour or so this week attempting (and failing) to complete the necessary steps for the Post Office to receive a package from the U.S., including setting up an account, uploading pictures of required documents, and completing and uploading a form, I headed to the Post Office (Correos here in Spain) to see if they could help. I had already waited three weeks for the package.

After 10 minutes in line and 30 minutes with the Post Office employee, still unable to get into their site, I headed out the door, feeling pressure rising in my chest. I thought about the time and money spent on what appeared to be now heading back to the States. I had just five days to complete the process and was on day four. 

I took a breath and decided to enjoy my walk home along a beautiful Spanish street filled with shops and cafes.

As I walked back into my apartment and with a renewed desire, I thought to myself—let's give it one more try. Well, it all worked like clockwork, this time getting into the site, setting up the account, and uploading the documents. My order is now en route to my apartment. 

Here is the second story I want to share—more like a fable.  

A woman lives with her son on a farm. They are very poor and have to manage most things by hand. One day, a horse shows up, and the neighbors proclaim, 'What good luck! You have a horse to pull the plow now.' 

Within several days, the boy falls off the horse and breaks his leg. The neighbors proclaim, "What bad luck! Your son can't help you with the farm work." A few weeks later, a war breaks out, and the soldiers come to the village to gather all the young men to go to battle. The neighbors proclaim, "What good luck! Your son will not have to go to war." 

So, is it good luck or bad luck? A blessing or a curse? My Post Office saga—good luck or bad luck? In time, it just might all be good. 

So here's the tool I used as I left the Post Office to shift my situation. When something happens, instead of:

I made a mistake. I can't do it. I'm terrible.

They made a mistake. They're terrible.

It doesn't work (for me). I've spent all this time. I'm pissed!

The company/the client/the friend/the partner betrayed me—I'm done!

S/he is judgmental and a bad person. Done with them!

It isn't fair. I lost my job, the contract, the stock tanked, I wasn't invited—Life sucks!

Remember, those are often expressions of doubt (much of it self-doubt), lack, and fear. Instead, PAUSE. Take just a moment (like a couple of seconds—this stuff doesn't take long) and then ask yourself: 

How can this situation help me grow?

That's what I did when I stepped out of the Post Office. And what came to me was, 'For now, Laurie, enjoy the opportunity at hand. Enjoy your walk home.'

I experienced a very different energy, one renewed with a shift in perspective that allowed me to see what I could not see in a stress state. Stress exacerbates fear, lack, and doubt which shut down our highest levels of intelligence, intuition, and in my case—patience.

When you ask yourself, "How can this situation help me grow?" you confirm your belief in yourself. Self-doubt diminishes. Clarity and confidence are on the rise. The openness to learning and growth allows for change. 

Hanging out in a stressful state will create more of what you don't want. On the other hand, maintaining a growth mindset calls us forth to rise and meet the moment, becoming the change we want and deserve.

Accepting that everything that happens is an opportunity for growth and improvement, you don't suffer from limited viewpoints that beat you down. Nothing good comes from a beat-up of any kind. 

That simple question, "How can this situation help me grow?" confirms—I got this. I believe in myself to solve the challenge and deliver what I want most.

Just asking the question stops the suffering and the stalemate. You're thinking ahead now. You're moving forward. It might have you reach out for the help you need. Fueled by your desire rather than fear, lack, or doubt, you're taking responsibility for your life and moving forward. In solution mode, rather than victim mode, you are no longer stuck. 

As babies, we come into this world curious, enthusiastic, and always on the go. We always want to know and learn more. So, rather than tell yourself something that doesn't allow for the growth, curiosity, and learning opportunity you deserve, ask the question!

You’ll love what’s on the other side. I call it freedom. Freedom from complacency, disappointment in self and others, stress, anxiety, overwhelm, and frustration. Remember: every situation you are in is an opportunity for growth when you ask yourself how can this situation help me grow?